Boring Powerpoint presentations. Long drives. Wicked hangovers. Regular Tuesday mornings. When the need for coffee strikes, it strikes with a vengeance. And there’s usually not much you can do about it, except drink some coffee. Stat. That wasn’t always easy to accomplish anytime, anywhere. Until a wonderful genius invented the coffee mug that’s about to revolutionize drinking coffee—the Hey Joe Coffee Mug ($69.00). This travel-sized savior isn’t just a mug—it brews coffee right inside of itself, and it’ll keep it at the perfect temperature for as long as you tell it to. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you’re just three steps away from a deliciously brewed cup of coffee. First, add water. Then, insert the coffee filter and finally, hit the button. That’s it. Hey Joe will brew itself in a matter of minutes, and maintain your cup of java at the perfect drinking temperature until the very last drop. Take that, mid-morning slump.
Take A Walk Down Hazy Memory Lane
Somehow, you made it out of your reckless youth alive, and in one piece. But there’s still that little, tiny part of you inside that wants to scream, “Responsibility. Booooooooo! Drugs. Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!” For that tiny rebel inside, there’s the I Miss Drugs Mug ($18.00). Its black matte finish and glossy white lettering, not only is this mug a lovely decorative piece for the office, it simultaneously tells your co-workers that you used to be cool and that yes, with enough prodding, you’d be down to dip into a little naughty behind the copy machine in the break room.
Hurts So Good
When you party as hard as you do (Yeezy-Kardashian got nothing on you) sometimes you need more than just a regular cup of joe to get going in the morning. A guy like you needs a punch in the face to get out of bed and Death Wish Coffee ($20.00) is here to serve. The dark roast has 200% the amount of caffeine as your typical coffee shop coffee and three times the flavor. Typically, dark roast coffee has less caffeine in comparison to lighter roast coffees due to the caffeine being stricken from the bean during the roasting process. They’re even offering a 110% money back guarantee if you find a stronger, more flavorful, organic coffee on the market. Bring it as a hostess gift to Kim’s 32nd birthday part-ay. Those two could use a punch in the face.
Get Up, Drink Up
One of your favorite loves on earth is jetting to Jamaica for the weekend and horseback riding into the Caribbean Sea (yes, those buggers can swim—Google it). Next time you ride Buttercup into the bay, make sure you’re alert as can be, with a nice cup of Jamaica Blue Mountain Marley Coffee ($26.00). This java is grown and harvested in the Jamaican Blue Mountains by none other than the son of Bob Marley himself. The lightly roasted bean has a rich earthy flavor with bright acidity. True to Marley’s roots, a portion of the proceeds benefits youth soccer and sustainable farming in Jamaica. So get up, drink up… drink up for their rights.
Million Dollar Droppings
Forget that weekend you spent Truffle Hunting with pigs in the Tuscan forest—by far the wildest foragers are the Akha tribe in Northern Thailand’s Doi Chaang Village. After collecting the dung (yes, the dung) of Wild Thai Civets, they brew the rarest, most expensive and highly sought-after coffee in the world: Kopi Luwak Coffee ($55.00), now available at Dean & Deluca. Civets are cat-like, weasel-esque animals that eat only the finest, ripest 100% Arabica coffee cherries. Their digestive enzymes do magical things to the coffee beans, and when the beans emerge (in their entirety) in luwak’s dung, their smooth, mellow flavor is so unique and sublime that Kopi Luwak sells for hundreds of dollars a pound. And you thought Starbucks was expensive. Roasted to perfection in Vancouver, British Columbia, this fair trade, organic joe isn’t just for any breakfast guest. Unless of course they reciprocate white truffle pancakes.