Like a sixth sense, you can feel it when someone really needs a beer—kind of like that mother elephant you saw in Makanyane Safari Lodge, who instinctively knew when it was time to feed her young. Being the provider that you are, you always come equipped to handle such dire situations, thanks to this Drinique Knuckle Bottle Opener ($24.00). The world’s first Knuckle Bottle Opener ever (so far as we can tell), this neat little tool fits so perfectly into the nooks and crannies of your hand, you’ll feel comfortable enough to wear it all night…and day, if that’s the way you roll. Made in the USA from aircraft grade billet aluminum, the Drinique Knuckle Bottle Opener is dishwasher safe and sturdy enough to open years worth of Changs, Hemp Ales, Banana Bread Beers, and Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ales, whenever anyone should need to quench their thirst. Bottom’s up.
Hands On A Hard Wallet
A great scholar once said, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.” But in your experience, it doesn’t matter if you’re tooling around St. Barts in your yacht or dominating in an underground Muay Thai tournament – the only money problem you have is how to hold it all. And since you’re a man who knows how to live well, you’ll need a wallet that’s as versatile as you are. Enter the Trayvax Wallet ($25.00) on Kickstarter. It’s a virtually indestructible, multi-faceted, money filled revelation – kind of like someone else we know. Similar to the ripped 8-pack you’re sporting, the Trayvax has a hard-body all its own. The anodized aluminum front plate keeps it light on its feet while the powder coated steel back allows it to take a beating and shake it off like a man. Also like you, attention to detail adds refinement to all the brawn. Rounding out the brute strength of the design is an included carabiner clip, bottle opener, and reusable grocery bag which, along with a hook and finger grooves, allows you to turn this utilitarian device into a sleek and sexy cuisine-toting gourmand. So whether you’re pulling out the black card to pick up your new suit, or putting your money where your mouth is by bringing home the apple-smoked heritage farm bacon, the problem of where you’re going to put all your dollar dollar bills, may have just been solved.
Okay, okay, so you’ve been banned from ever attending any more Mexican Wrestling matches…for life. (How were you to know those sharp, pointy taco edges would be so lethal?) Fret not. Now you can reenact your favorite wrestling moves with every Hemp Ale, Whales Tale Pale Ale, and Noche Buena Beer you open, thanks to these Luchador Bottle Openers ($17.00). Brought to you by the fun-loving company Kikkerland, each bottle opener is a mini wrestler applying an awesome lock (Headlock, Scissor Lock, Pile Driver–three of your personal favorites) to hold your bottle and free your beer. Designed by Andres Lhima as part of the Mexico Design Challenge, these ferocious little muchachos are made of stainless steel and ABS with a rubberized coating, and come in blue, red and black. Take a gamble when you order, as you never know which lock or color will show up. But as in Mexican Wrestling, being surprised is really just part of the fun.
Have Your Beer Flash Before Your Eyes
Ever since you completed your advanced MMA training (just for fun), and registered yourself as a deadly weapon, you donated most of your knives to charity (except the Jagdkommando Tri-Dagger—that thing is just sweet). If you miss the feel of a butterfly knife in your hands, try this instead: the Butterfly Can Bottle Opener ($8.00). Constructed from stainless steel with a locking catch, this baby swirls, flashes and scares the bejesus out of foes like a real butterfly knife, but instead of opening someone’s main artery, you’ll be cracking open a case of Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale. Which is way less messy, and a much better way to spend your Saturday night than finding a place to stash a body.
Freeze! I’m Thirsty
Though some of your extra-curricular activities may sometimes live outside the law (two words: exotic pets), for the most part, you’re an upstanding, law-abiding citizen. Which is precisely why this Kikkerland Police Badge Bottle Opener ($15.00) is perfect for you. It commands the respect and attention you need when you’re in dire need of assistance…opening a beer, that is. Only 1/16th of an inch thick and the size of a credit card, the Badge Bottle Opener fits easily in your pocket of wallet—or, if you’re gonna go rogue style, strapped to the inside of your ankle. Hey, when it comes to impromptu beer drinking, you never want to let your guard down.