Keep It Meaty
Ever since you got your hands on that SMV18 Smoker and those Bear Paw Meat Handler Forks, the first day of every week is known as Meaty Monday. That means no carbs, no vegetables, and definitely no fruit all day. (Nuts, however, are permissible). On Meaty Monday, when you get flank steak stuck in your teeth what do you reach for? Sissy minty floss is a clear violation of rules, so thankfully, the fine folks at Accoutrements have invented Bacon Flavored Toothpicks ($2.00). These awesome tins come with 80 toothpicks steeped with the mouth-watering essence of bountiful bacon, and are graced with a rather classy pig on the slide-out cover. Kinda makes you wish every day was a meaty day, no?
We All Live In A Sub-Compact Submarine.
It’s a typical Tuesday. You and your first mate are cruising at a sweet 8 mph. You’re flanked by man-o-rays on either side, and life is good. Welcome to your private Raonhage Ego Submarine. Proving unequivocally that snorkeling is for suckers, this semi-sub looks like a catamaran on top, with a sweet surprise on the bottom—your very own viewing bubble that’s 200 times stronger than glass of the same thickness. And if you’re feeling like Ringo it indeed come in yellow, along with cool white, pure red, French rose, lime green and Persian pink. Suck on that!
Mama Mia, What A Pizza!
If your villa outside of Naples (or your nights drunk dialing Dominoes) has taught you one thing, it’s that nothing beats a perfectly made pizza. If only you could harness the power of making such a pizza in your own home. If only you had…a Grill Top-PizzaQue Stone ($125). Get that brick-oven quality on your very own gas grill or in your oven with this awesome pizza baking stone. A removable, ceramic pizza stone made of porous clay guarantees a crisp crust every time, and the stainless steel base is sits upon comes with a built-in thermometer so you know exactly how to cook it just right. Perfect for calzones and homemade breads too. Consider yourself warned, Dominoes.
Fire! With Actual Fire.
So you’re a guy who likes a nice scented candle. The soft glow accentuates your eyes, and you adore the fragrance of jasmine and honeysuckle. So what? Does that make you any less of a man? A little bit soft? Tell you what, don’t answer that, and pick yourself up a Pistolight ($4.00). Designed by SOODA e, this nifty little contraption transforms any disposable lighter into a tough, gangsta piece (literally). Just pop any standard disposable lighter into the shaft and BOOM! Ready, aim, and…fire. You also might consider picking up the Blind Barber Tompkins Candle. As far as manliness goes, we’d say the smell of leather out-testosterones lilac any day.
The Creme De La Creme Of Kazan.
You know, you and director Elia Kazan are pretty similar. His movies have won tons of Oscars. You once won an Oscar Meyer Wiener eating contest. And while your incredible performance will forever be remembered by the plaque in your basement, Elia’s greatest work is gathered here, in The Elia Kazan Collection ($139), selected by Martin Scorsese. These fifteen movies include unforgettable performances from Hollywood greats, like Marlon Brando, James Dean, Warren Beatty, Natalie Wood and Walter Matthau, in movies like On The Waterfront, A Streetcar Named Desire, and East of Eden, just to name a few. Scorsese kicks off Disc 1 with a documentary about Kazan’s life and career, including his role in the infamous McCarthy hearings. Fire up the grill and stock up on buns—it’s gonna be an Oscar fest tonight.
A Truly Magnificent Seven
Your country cottage in Cornwall is positively perfect, from its stone fireplace to its impeccable live-in help. The one thing it’s missing, however, is something fun in the driveway. Lucky for you, the chaps at Caterham Cars have been at it again, with the Caterham Seven Superlight R500 Sprintster ($70,000). Based on the Lotus Seven, this small, nimble two-seater earns its moniker “Sprintster” with a 263 horsepower Ford 2.0 liter Duratec engine that goes from 0 to 60 in 2.88 seconds. Its light aluminum, carbon fiber and Kevlar body make it “Superlight” for incredible performance and handling. Great details like ACES change-up lights, a Quick-release Momo Steering Wheel with integrated indicator switches, and a carbon interchangeable wind deflector add to the fun. Might as well tell Jeeves now not to wait up.
Little Box. Big Sound.
As your run-in with that troop of Black Howler Monkeys in eastern Bolivia taught you last summer, sometimes very loud noises can come from very small packages. Same goes for the Tivoli iPAL Radio ($220). The iPAL (Portable Audio Laboratory) is a portable playback system that hooks up to your iPod, laptop or portable CD player, plus has a built-in AM/FM radio that delivers serious sound from a high-end 2.5-inch speaker. Its rechargeable battery pack is good for 16 hours of cordless playback, and its rubberized cover was designed to be weather resistant, and protect its ports from water and sand. Which makes the iPAL perfect for long walks on the beach, or treks through the Bolivian jungle.
Stay! Good Collar.
Control is a good thing. Whether it’s over an audience, a company, or the remote (just let them TRY and keep you from watching “The Notebook” one more time). Now you can gain control of your unruly collars with these Stayclip Stainless Steel Collar Stays ($25.00). Toss the flimsy plastic doodads and trade up to these durable, brushed solid stainless steel beauties. The Executive Set comes with 8 pairs of stays ranging from 2.2 to 3 inches, and a clever Stayclip organizer ring that can be mounted to the wall next to your shirts. You can even get your collar stays engraved with whatever you desire. Which should work out well with that control thing.
For Between Holes<
As Tiger has taught us only all too well, golf is really only about two things: swing and swagger. We can’t help you with your slice, but we can be of some assistance when it comes to the swagger part. Just roll up in one of these: The Garia Mansory Edition Carbon Fiber Luxury Golf Car ($17,500), the brilliant brainchild of a creative collaboration between Garia, the Danish manufacturer of luxury golf cars, and Mansory, responsible for customizing supercars like Rolls Royce, Aston Martin and Bentley. Constructed from ultra-light yet durable carbon fibre body panels, with a luxe teak floor, specially designed headlights, air scoop and fender gills, this sleek, tiger-colored black and orange ride is sure to intimidate your opponent, even if your short game falls…well, short.
Ring A Ding Ding
Think back, for a moment, to the world before cell phones. A world filled with answering machines and busy signals, and hanging up on your schoolboy crush’s father because hearing him pick up the phone made a little bit of pee come out. Thankfully, those days are behind us, but our nostalgia for them lives on, with the POP Phone ($20.00). This fun creation by French designer David Turpin resembles an old-school handset, but its functions are completely contemporary. Just plug the 3.5 mm jack at the end of its curly cord into any mobile phone or computer to chat the day away. The headset comes in bright, poppy colors and is finished with a luxurious soft-touch texture so you can talk to your crush for hours. Or at least until her father comes home.
Let’s Get Wet
From wake boarding to kite surfing to your patented doggie paddle, let’s face it—when it comes to anything underwater, you’re like Triton himself. And that type of wet, graceful athleticism shouldn’t go undocumented. You should really have a Kodak Playsport Video Camera ($290) handy at all times. This pocket (or bikini) camcorder shoots bitchin’ 1080 HD video up to 10 feet underwater, and its built-in image stabilization means your footage will always be steady and clear. The handy LCD Glare Shield feature helps you see your subject clearly on the display screen, so even in reflective settings, like the glittering face of the Mediterranean Sea, you’re sure to catch all the action you intend to. Bust out your speedos, my good man. It’s about to get wet in here.
How Good Do You Want To Be?
We all know that advertising is evil. (Except the Shake Weight commercials. Those are pure goodness.). But this former ad-guy, Paul Arden might just have a few pearls of wisdom in his best-selling book, “It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be.” ($6.00) Arden, Executive Creative Director/Head Honcho at Saatchi & Saatchi, London for 15 years, really breaks it down in this book, offering up wisdom on problem-solving, communicating, playing your cards right, making mistakes and creativity. It’s been called, “a pocket bible for the talented and timid alike to help make the unthinkable thinkable and the impossible possible.” Maybe advertising isn’t so evil after all. I mean, it DID bring us the Snapple Lady. She was pretty nice, right?
Though you’re known up and down the eastern seaboard for your dominance on your company’s board, what only a handful of people (and a particular pod of dolphins off Catalina Island) know is that you’re also a god on another type of board (being of the surf-variety kind). Now the Almond X Linus Summer Bike ($1,300) can help you pedal your surfboard straight to the nearest swell with ease. This ultra-cool, vintage looking bike comes complete with a board rack and a nifty wooden crate in the rear to hold anything else you might need for your day in the surf, from sunscreen to your Persol Roadster Shades to dolphin kibble. Cowabunga.
Ever since the days when you and Lance Bass trained as cosmonauts for that seat on the Soyuz space capsule, you’ve relished the feeling of zero gravity. Seeing as your own anti-gravity chamber is taking longer to construct than expected, we’d like to suggest the next best thing: The Gravity Balans Chair ($1,995) by Varier. Fully reclined, this feat of furniture genius elevates the legs above the heart, and gently rocks to the rhythm of your breathing, creating a feeling of weightlessness. Time to work? Not a problem. Just lean forward to assume a kneeling posture, or sit normally somewhere in the middle. All Gravity Balans chairs are handcrafted in Norway by skilled artisans, and come in a variety of colors and fabrics. We think Lance would recommend the black leather.
Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
After a night of ice luges overflowing with Deleon Tequila, Bison Grass Vodka, and Kraken Rum, it’s pretty clear that driving is not an option, and your Mercedes McLaren stays put ‘til you sleep it off. But what happens when you wake up still tipsy in the morning, and need to know when you’re finally fit for the road? Bust out your Mini Key Chain Personal Breathalyzer ($4.00), put your lips together, and just blow. Three seconds of breath is all you need for your Blood Alcohol Content levels to pop up on the colored LED indicator system. Idiot-proof, right? Right. Not to mention kind of fun just as a party trick.