Ever since you mastered the art of rhetoric and debate (it was about the same time you nailed Latin, circa 4 years old), you’ve argued that Animal is clearly the coolest Muppet. He plays the drums. He screams, “WOMAN!” and runs after anything blonde. He’d never get mixed up with a chick like Miss Piggy, and now, he has his own kicks. Check out these Muppet Edition Adidas Originals adiRise 2.0 Animal Sneakers($100). They’re based on the basketball shoe, but were clearly made to rock, with a suede upper, studded patent leather overlays, drumstick details and a faux fur collar that looks just like Animal’s fur. We think it’s safe to say that the debate is officially over–you win again.
Ketchup is kind of like your collection of rare diamonds–you want to smother everything in it. Thankfully, some esteemed gentlemen have created Sir Kensington’s Classic Scooping Ketchup($5.00) so you can do just that (with the ketchup, not the diamonds). Its cleverly designed wide mouth jar allows you to dip whatever you want–fries, bacon burgers made with your Stuffed Hamburger Press, all ten of your fingers–directly into the jar to smother said object in delicious, ketchupy goodness. This gourmet condiment is made in small batches in Maine, from domestically-sourced whole pear tomatoes, apple cider vinegar and all-natural sweeteners. This makes it healthier than your typical sugar-heavy ketchups, which is a nice consolation when you find yourself cutting out the middleman and chugging directly from the jar.
What Great Britain lacks in gourmet food choices, it more than makes up for in its choice of automobiles. The Peugeot RCZ ($47,840) is one of the most stunning cars on the market, and it’s available only in the UK. Lucky buggers. This hot little coupe is based on the top-spec GT trim, and it features 19-inch Solstice black alloy wheels, and black brake calipers, plus Asphalt badging on the outside, and Asphalt branding on the inside. Under the hood, she’s got a 200 hp, 4-cylinder, 1.6-liter turbocharged engine. Plus, in addition to everything standard in the GT, this baby’s got front and rear parking aid, an upgraded JBL sound system, Peugeot Connect Media Navigation and auto lighting. Her Majesty should be very pleased.
Your newly acquired island off the coast of Madagascar is supremely charming, but until you find a generator powerful enough to support an estate of your size, you’re going to need SOME way to see. Stock up on Striker Magnetic LED Light Mines($20.00). Each light has 12 powerful Lumen Tech TM LEDs in both white (8 LEDs) and red (4 LEDs), which serve 4 electronic light functions: low power, high output, red night vision, and a high visibility blinking red signal beacon. This baseball-sized, hands-free light has 11 neodymium Rare Earth magnets that sturdily stick to anything metal, which means providing light while you jigger with the carburetor, recalibrate the seismograph or rearrange letters on the refrigerator. Being in the middle of the Indian Ocean doesn’t make spelling “POO” on the ‘fridge any less funny.
Between your business dealings in Tokyo and your sake-fueled nights with Masaharu Morimoto, you’ve grown accustomed to sushi every night. And now, even if there’s no raw fish ON your coffee table, you can keep it IN your coffee table, with the Aquarium Coffee Table($627). With acrylic sides and a removable, beveled, tempered glass top, this 25-gallon aquarium is sure to liven up your living room and whet your appetite for maki. Lights in the black acrylic base illuminate the tank from beneath a bed of blue glass gravel, and a two-stage submersible filter pump and decorative plants are included. Chopsticks sold separately.