Record Your Thoughts
Someone as prolific as you needs an outlet for your thoughts. It would be a shame if the world lost but one of your flowery poems. Now when the muse strikes, you can jot down every couplet in a Video Notebook ($15.00). Each notebook is housed in a recycled VHS sleeve with 260 pages in ruled or plain paper format. Label them with misleading names like “Christmas 1999” and you’ll ensure your personal manuscripts will stay under wraps…until that book deal goes through.
Eat My Powder
Whether it was Grindhouse or the Demi Moore years, we’ve all wanted to be Bruce Willis at some point or another. Well now you can live out your Die Hard 2 fantasy with the Yamaha Apex Snowmobile ($14,000). Powered by a 4-stroke engine with 998cc displacement, it won’t be hard to catch the bad guys. The new design is equipped with features that make it comfortable to ride harder, faster and longer, which is something Demi would appreciate. Useful now that Ashton has been kicked to the curb.
Milk With A Kick!
Life was so much simpler when you were a kid. You had one classic Ferrari (matchbox), all your money fit in a piggy bank, and property taxes were just a twinkle in your future estate manager’s eye. Now when you’re longing for the good ole days you can pour yourself a glass of Adult Chocolate Milk ($17.00) It’s got the classic chocolate milk taste chased with a bit of vodka the grown up you can appreciate. Next on the agenda? Tequila-soaked chicken nuggets.
When you invite a woman back to your place it’s important that it make a good first impression. An apartment full of tapestries and milk crates is not even going to get you to second base. You need some high-end statement pieces that convey you ingest more than Bud Light and Top Ramen. The Octopus Chair by artist Maximo Riera is guaranteed to impress. The octopus sculpture is created from compressed foam that is attached and hand painted to look biologically accurate. The tentacles extend 1.5 meters and the armchair itself is upholstered in luxurious black leather. The striking art piece is the perfect throne for your lair. But you might want to cover the hauntingly realistic eyes if you are lucky enough to get down to business.
Ask And Ye Shall Receive
A man in your position (aka the Top of the Heap) tends to be surrounded by yes men, making getting a straight answer damn near impossible. Now you can finally get an objective opinion that doesn’t aim to please. The Magic 8-Ball Predict A Pen ($7.00) is similar to the bowling-like ball of your youth, full of wit, wisdom and vague platitudes, now in a convenient pocket size. When you’re having trouble deciding between the Lamborghini Estoque or the Mercedes McLaren just whip out the pen and give it a shake. You’ll find the frank responses, “Not for a million dollars,” “Dude, No Way,” and “Hell Yeah” a refreshing change to the usual pandering. At the end of the day this soothsayer is still a pen, which will come in handy when you’re signing autographs.
A Box That Can Play Pandora
Are your iPhone’s speakers just not cutting it when you play back the latest video of last night’s party guests waking up in the pool? Or perhaps your mobile karaoke business just isn’t mobile enough? The TDK Sound Cube ($270) can help. It provides dominant, dynamic sound in a unique compact design that works anywhere, inside or out. Just like you. Two coaxial drivers fill any room with rich sound while an equalizer gives your music a visual heartbeat and rotary dials give you control over the music source, volume and tone. Inputs include USB, 3.5mm and auxiliary ports that let you connect (and charge) an iPod, iPhone, smartphone or USB flash drive. You can even plug in your guitar or microphone and mix with other music sources. You’re a one-man army of sound solutions. Now get out there and rock that open mic on the subway!
What Do They Listen To In Ghana?
Knowledge is power. And knowing what’s going on everywhere in the world at once pretty much makes you a God. Embrace your omniscience with Revo’s Domino Wi-Fi ($130), which gives anyone with a hi-fi set-up and Wi-Fi broadband access to over 16,000 radio stations from across the universe. This is the definitive device for freedom in radio. Nothing to install, nothing to download, no subscriptions and no limits — just plug and play. Revo Wi-Fi connects to any sound system that has RCA inputs and links to any broadband Wi-Fi connection to stream internet radio broadcasts. Simply search by genre or country. You can also play music from any networked computer in your home. And it has an alarm clock too. You’ll never miss a Yankees game when you’re in Tokyo ever again. Amen.
The Ultimate Watch For Training Day
Your personal trainer is great, but beyond just promising to wear deodorant every day, what’s he really done for you lately? The amazing Polar RCX5 Training Watch ($419) does everything he can do and doesn’t need a Christmas card. This incredible piece of equipment has a multitude of features for the serious endurance trainer. It keeps track of your heart rate and pace, even in the water, then enters it into an online database that analyses the data and recommends the perfect training program for you to achieve maximum performance. It can track your mileage, pace and route with GPS. It even has a Race Pace function to make sure you reach the finish line just in time to have a serious talk with your personal trainer.
Furniture That’s Back From The Future
As you and Buzz Aldrin discussed the last time you went out for a few beers, gravity is kind of a drag. Wouldn’t it be great if things could hover without regard for pesky gravity? Well, apparently they can, as a team of engineers at Rock Paper Robot bring you the slick and futuristic Float Table ($16,250). The 64 wooden cubes are held in place by the magical power of magnets making the blocks appear like they are floating in the air. There are also steel cables in the back that keep the whole thing together. The table flexes when you touch it and then bounces back into shape. Wait ‘til Buzz gets a load of this.
If you’ve got a few mil’ burning a whole in your pocket (per usual) we’ve got the car for you. The Koenigsegg Agera R, like your leggy girlfriend, hails from Sweden and means, “to act,” and that’s putting it lightly. It boasts 1,115 horsepower, 885 pound-feet of torque from a 5.0L twin-turbo V8, and has broken no less than six world speed records. The Swedish supercar can go from 0-100 in less than three seconds. It’s fast. Now that’s a word that even Annika understands.
That Drunky Monkey
Did you know that in addition to being great exotic pets, and flinging feces, monkeys are useful for all kinds of things? Especially the Fridge Monkey ($12.00), which helps maintain order to a collection of beer, soda cans or wine bottles in a delicious and beautifully organized pyramid. (And your Craftworks Toolbox Garage Refrigerator could use a little bit of order.) This easy, washable, rubber mat has perfectly spaced grooves that let you stack up to ten cans or bottles of soda or beer, or five wine bottles in a pyramid that would make any ancient Egyptian proud. Good little monkey.
Do All Your Own Stunts
Ever since you could run you’ve been challenging people to race. First on foot, then on bikes, and eventually that car chase that landed your best friend in juvie (hey, it’s better than ending up in traction). Now you can own the bike from racing legend and American icon Steve McQueen. Based on the Triumph Trophy TR6 that McQueen rode in “The Great Escape,” the Steve McQueen Edition Motorcycle features a strong steel chassis, cast alloy wheels, five-speed manual transmission, and a fuel injected DOHC engine that gets 67 hp. With your rugged good looks and daredevil antics people just might mistake you for a reincarnated version of Mr. McQueen himself.
When traders use your name as a synonym for profit (i.e. “we made a huge Jason Gilman on that hedge fund”), and the Nasdaq pretty much rises and falls at your every whim, you my friend (aka Jason Gilman), have hit the big time. But all this gravitas won’t mean a thing if you’re late to the market. Strap on the one and only Breitling Superocean Abyss Black Dial Watch ($2,835) with a stainless steel case, scratch resistant sapphire crystal, Swiss automatic movement and 1500 meters of water resistance to ensure you’ll always arrive fashionably on time.
Party In A Box
Anyone who’s lucky enough to call you a friend knows that it’s only a matter of time before they call you their best man. If not for your unparalleled public speaking abilities, then for your epic bachelor parties that would make Charlie Sheen cry. Urban Mercenaries have something that you can add to your party-planning arsenal. What they’re calling The Football ($500) is actually an aluminum briefcase filled with Tequila, Vodka, Red Bull, shot glasses, martini shaker, and a host of other amenities that will take a “guys’ night out” to tiger blood levels. Throw in some Nub Cigars and you’ve got yourself a gentleman’s party. Did we mention the pair of handcuffs that come with every briefcase? They’re intended to keep the case with groom at all times, but we’re pretty sure you’ve got more creative uses for them. WINNING!