Fast, Hard, Frozen Balls
As one of the first mountaineers to summit Everest during the winter without oxygen, you’re no stranger to snow. And when it comes to self-preservation you’re no slouch (we won’t ask about the other climbers in your party). Which is why you’ll want to add the Slinging Snowball Xistera ($25.00) to your arsenal of winter preparedness. The snow slinger can hurl snowballs up to 150 feet and the handle has a built-in mold that presses scooped snow into a tightly packed snowball, giving you the tactical advantage in any snowball fight. It will almost make up for the three fingers you lost to frost bite.
Fire Truck 2.0
You never know what you’ll come across in the forest. A black bear. A grizzly bear. A gummy bear…bouncing here and there and everywhere. Now, if that gooey little booger gets too uppity, you’ll know just how to deal with him. The rather frightening Amatoya ATV from designer Liam Ferguson. Purely in concept form right now, this 2-passenger quad features a high-visibility cockpit and can liquid Howitzer its 500 gallons of water from the Remotely Operated Supression Cannon Outfit (ROSCO). Once you step through its gull-wing doors (think Dolorian), you’ll stay protected by its clear aerogel laminated insulation, a temperature-sensitive spray down system, and military-grade thermo ceramic paint. Kinda makes you wonder what’s in Liam’s backyard…and we have a feeling it ain’t gummy bears.
Look Ma, No Wires!
You’re a popular guy, and you like to get around. One might even say, you’re just a gigolo (thanks, Mr. Lee Roth). The thought of sitting home and waiting by the phone for something–anything–is nothing short of ridiculous. Now, you can take the phone with you, so you never miss an important call ever again (when Tawny needs you, she needs you NOW). Ameritech Mobile Communications has just unveiled the first commercial wireless phone–the Motorola DynaTac 8000X. The first call was made from Soldier Field from the inside of a Chrysler convertible to Germany, with Alexander Graham Bell’s grandson on the other end. At 10 inches long, and weighing in a mere 1.75 pounds, the DynaTac will set you back about $4,000. A small price to pay to keep Tawny a happy bunny.
You, Coming To A Theatre Near You
Your life is pretty awesome. And seeing things from your POV is something that you should be able to share with the world…for the world’s sake. Since Scorsese is currently consumed with other endeavors, you’re going to have to take matters into your own hands. The Looxcie 2 Wearable Camcorder ($148) has you covered. Just hook it up to your ear, or in a hat or helmet (especially handy for your Spelunking episode), and just go do what you do best. Looxcie is lightweight, coming in under 1 oz., and has up to 5 or 10 hours of video storage depending on which model you spring for. Its dual processor allows for simultaneous video capture and wireless communication, and the LooxcieMoments Smartphone Companion App allows you to choose between 320P and 480p video quality. Social Media Sharing features make it easy to upload your latest adventures to Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. Assuming, of course, your agent is cool with it.
The “Do It Itself” Thermostat
Let’s face it. Anything that’s “Do It Yourself” is kind of annoying. (Namely because it involves actually having to do things.) The wave of the future is stuff that can take care of itself, without much effort from you. The Nest Thermostat ($250) understands that. After installation, just answer a few basic questions, and program it for a week. The Nest will actually learn your habits and preferences, and adjust itself to your needs accordingly. Do you like to wake up at 72 degrees, but go to bed at 69? Got it. Do you like to save energy during the day while you’re away? No problem. Sudden cold snap while you’re away from home? Communicate with the Nest through your mobile phone or at nest.com and adjust it from wherever you are. Now all you need to do is find a Nest that can do your expenses, and you’re all set.