Point, Bill Gates
Though you yourself could be considered to be something of an alpha dog, you always like to see the underdog win (further proof of what a great guy you are. Sigh.) And It’s not very often that the Apple empire is out-innovated by Microsoft, but the Microsoft eVous definitely scores some cool points. The unique V design allows it to function as both a mouse and a digital pen, with buttons that are scroll and touch sensitive in mouse-mode. When you want to use it as a pen, all you have to do is pick it up and write or draw with the tip. It’s just a concept now, but if Bill knows what’s good for him, he’ll get it on the market before apple invents the iTip.
A Pirate’s Kicks For Me
As the proud owner of a Fearless 28 Yacht, we know piracy can be a touchy subject with you. But these badass black and white kicks are worth getting over your bias. A collaboration between the Adidas Originals and Mastermind Japan has yielded The Hardland ($110), a basketball-inspired sneaker that fuses Adidas Original’s silhouette with mastermind’s telltale black and white motif and skull and cross bones, not so subtly placed smack dab in on its monochromatic tongue. The only splash of color you’ll find is on the sole, but you’ll find mastermind’s attention to detail and design on every inch of the shoe. Two hooks up!
Faster Than A Tipsy Prom Date
As you proved with Gina Abernathy back in senior year, you’ve always been attracted to whatever’s the “fastest.” Well get ready to start your engine, gentleman, because the new SSC Ultimate Aero II ($1,000,000) is about to become the fastest production car on the road. From Shelby Supercars, this whip will reach a top speed of 440km/h–that’s 273mph, and is powered by a 6.8-litre four-cam, twin-turbo engine, delivering no less than 1,350hp and redlining at around 9,000 rpm. Are you ready for the coolest part? It also includes active air brakes, just like planes have, that will be used to reduce speed when traveling at very high mph. It comes in at close to a million dollars, but at least you don’t have to pry it with Peppermint Schnapps before you get anywhere.
Bacon is like sex–it’s awesome. And when it’s mixed with candy, it somehow gets even awesomer. Throw in a jolly holiday theme, and holy crap, there is not room in your heart for any more love. In case you missed it, that makes these Bacon Candy Canes ($6.00) a heartwarming (and potentially artery-clogging) fusion of pig’s ass, candy and Christmas, all available in one thing to suck on. You just took care of your entire Christmas list in one stroke of genius.