Your New Throne
You take your bathroom time seriously. Only the finest t.p. (spun from New Zealand Baby Alpaca fur), reading materials (Scorcese’s latest, unreleased script), and scented candles (Zen Musk or Cinavanilla) will do. It stands to reason that there’s only one throne refined enough to meet your stringent Water Closet standards—the Carbon Fiber Toilet Seat ($300). 100% genuine carbon fiber is hand-layered in an attractive 2×2 twill pattern around a pre-molded foam core, and finished with the finest epoxy resin system. Fits standard household toilets (not to imply that your household is merely standard) and arrives complete with mounting hardware. Not that you’d ever want to part with it, but as an FYI, all sales are final. Phew.
Turn Up The Hoff
It’s a fact. Germans love David Hasselhoff. So we’d like to think the folks at Hohrizotal 51 designed this award-winning Finite Elemente iPod Dock ($660) with the Hoff’s music in mind. Do we have any proof of this? Absolutely not. But what we CAN prove is that no one combines fun and function better than the Germans. This high-quality sound system not only plays your iPod or iPhone AND connects to your TV or computer, it’s also a shelf. So instead of taking up space with a sound system, the Finite Elemente actually creates MORE space. Presumably for the framed, 8×10 glossies of your curated “The Hoff Through the Years” exhibition.
The Real American Hero is back! (Settle down, Trump, we’re not talking to you.) The G.I. Joe Complete Series Collector’s Set ($150)neatly packs the most awesome part of your childhood all into one neat little foot locker. That means 95 episodes on 17 DVD’s, complete with Bonus features, “Knowing is half the battle” PSA’s and 25 archival G.I. Joe commercials.The set also includes a collectible 60-page book, a 1GB “Dog Tag” flash drive, 2 G.I. Joe “Silent” Comics, Cobra rub-on tattoos and a printable script for “Jungle Trap” that you and your friends DEFINITELY won’t be acting out at your pizza party next Friday. Just in case anybody asks…
Now, That’s What I Call a Big Wheel
As the guests at your last Off-White Party pointed out, it’s a long walk from your stables to the grotto. And even further to the Penguin Sanctuary. You need a quick way to get around in style. Might we suggest the Penny Farthing ($807) Also called a Hi Wheel, this sophisticated classic (and we do mean classic) cycle from another era is perfect to help you stand out head and shoulders above the rest. Quite literally. Sure, mounting requires some skill, but that’s always been your forte. As an added bonus, your enhanced visibility will help you keep an eye on those frisky giraffes occupying the South cabana.
Circle Gets the Square
Mirrors are your friends. You like them on the walls. On the ceiling. On the tips of your shoes so you can see—well, nevermind that. We’re please to announce that now, mirrors have found yet another socially incredible use. The XO Reflective Game by Peleg ($35.00). It’s only half of a Tic Tac Toe piece, but still packs all the fun. The bisected glass pieces sit atop a reflective board, adding depth and illusion to the classic game of Tic Tac Toe. Guaranteed to keep Chuck Woolery and Shadow Stevens entertained for weeks.